Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
