He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
