we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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