I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize