I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
