He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
