I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
