tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
