she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize