Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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