Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
