I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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