I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
