Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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