I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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