I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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