i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
