Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
