Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sorry about my life...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
