Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
