Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
