Umm I'm too high to move.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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