we have pet lesbian snakes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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