I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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