is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize