I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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