dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
