is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
