I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize