he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize