last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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