Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
