Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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