He uses pillows to masturbate.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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