Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
