My boss' voice literally gives me gas
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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