I feel great
I just peed on a car
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
