needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
