Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
last night I used snow as a chaser
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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