dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
