Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
