At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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