My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
