I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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