It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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