At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
