Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
