is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
