I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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