In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
