Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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