Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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