He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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