Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
