a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
