Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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