drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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