Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
two words...techno handjob
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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