I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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