We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
