we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
