So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
