I think I died a long time ago.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize