Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bring me that man meat
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
