Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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