They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
