I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
