I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
