My first STD was from a foam party
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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