I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize