Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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