...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
