I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
