East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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