conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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