I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
