he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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