Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
