you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
