just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
