I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Someone shattered a urinal.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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