My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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