Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
