I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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