sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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