3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
