she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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