At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
