Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
