His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up backwards on a recliner
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
