hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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