Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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