Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
