I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize