sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
