Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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