I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
