Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
