Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
