standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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