Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
