Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
