Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
