The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am naked and annoyed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
