My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
