So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
