is your mom at the bar?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
